dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
