This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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