It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
