and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
