It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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