Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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