this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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