you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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