quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
