Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
