Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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