I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
