If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
