Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
