WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
