standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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