So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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