just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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