kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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