he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
