know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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