Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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