you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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