i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
