My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
