forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
