Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
