i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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