if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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