he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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