I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
