Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
