Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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