i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
