look no pants
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
