i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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