sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Randomize
