i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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