i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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