I bet he comes in French.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
