8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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