You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
