why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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