Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
