none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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