I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
