I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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