You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
