i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
