So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
